so sad

Well, it’s official. I can never do anything right.. and you know what I saw it coming… sooner or later… my ex fiancé always told me “if anyone is the problem it’s you” and he’s right. In friendships, in relationship, and I guess in life in general… I can never seem to get it right. Just when I think I have a grip of things, my own self and my thoughts get in the way and I just fuck everything up for myself. Maybe I just need to get away… you know like just go somewhere that I can be all alone and by myself. Just to process, and think, and really just let life speak to me rather than try and figure everything out with other people around. I’ve come to the conclusion that I am not perfect. And I don’t care how much I say I am or try to act like I am I’m not… and what hurts is that I just can’t get it right. It’s like just when I think god is gonna give me a break, he drops another set of weights on me and I don’t know how to balance it or catch myself anymore… I’ve come to the point where I just wanna give up and not even bother anymore. I’m such a failure and all I do is mess things up. I make people feel bad and I try to make them feel so inferior to me… I walk around with this fake ass portrayal of myself and I don’t wanna do that anymore. I need help, I don’t know where to go or who to turn to. But I just need guidance. I need something or someone to maybe not grab my hand because I’m an adult now but now that I think of it even adults need a hand to hold or at least some kind of light to guide the way… someone help me 🙁 

3 thoughts on “so sad”

  1. Oh be thankful you’re not with that ass. The problem is not you sweetie. Been there before kinda still am but one thing is for sure. I am sure there are people out there that don’t think you’re a failure. You are not like you said no one is perfect and never let anyone dictate who you are. Always distance yourself from negative people. and trust me if your friends were friends with him as well don’t freak out if they don’t talk to you it’s prob him talking false claims about you. You are unique in your one way and one day there will be someone who sees the real you. I wish you positive things.

  2. One thing that stuck out from your entry was this quote from your ex fiance. It’s funny how these hurtful/negative comments from an ex can really tattoo themselves in your brain. I still have a phrase that an ex said to me 12years ago that still pops into my head occasionally and hurts. I feel like you shouldn’t let his comment get to you like this and state it as fact. I’m sure he was angry when be said it to you and was trying to hurt you. Do not let him or his comment define you or become something you say to yourself frequently as it will then manifest itself into your personality.

    As for needing someone to turn to, you can always message me here if you need someone to talk to. Hope things start looking up for you.

    All things are temporary and the way you are feeling right now is temporary as well. No matter what it is you are going through you can and will come out the other side stronger. Promise you that.

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