I find myself constantly tortured with the exact moment I broke beyond repair. I cant seem to pin down that moment just yet but im constantly searching for it. I guess i feel like if i can figure out when it happened, what the action or words were that finally crushed me into a billion tiny pieces, maybe just maybe, i can fix it. It so hard to feel like the only things you want in the world dont exist. Like youre chasing a dream or an idea that literally doesnt exist. A unicorn if you will. I love unicorns. I just want to not feel so empty and broken. I want to wake up and be happy I did. I want to believe that there are people with good intentions, people who are kind and caring and genuine. I want to not feel like im so out of my element, like a fish on land. I just dont belong anywhere. I just need to not be broken, because the longer those pieces lay scattered all around, the more chance i have of losing them forever. If i lose them how am i ever to be whole again.
i cant do this.