There is a darkness I seem to fall into so easily.
Often I will find myself in a place that is strange to me and I think that it is the other Alex, the bad Alex, who has brought me there. And then the good Alex steps outside the bad Alex’s body and just watches. An alter ego, another self. Good Alex observes from the side. Bad Alex is Action Alex. Bad Alex is vile and bloodthirsty and does all the things that Good Alex would never even think about. But there it is. Two selves. A good side and a bad side. The thoughts, the feelings I experience are way beyond anyone’s depth. Signs and colours are more vivid. Order is more intense. My skin becomes sensitive to even the slightest pressure. It is utterly compelling. Compulsive. Nothing can pull me back from the edge. Not laws or threats of punishment, morality, religion, fear of death – all of those things are meaningless.