Don’t Know what to feel – 7/2/2018 – 10.41am

Feel so tired trying to lose weight for 5 damn years.  My weight is like yoyo.  I know..and I know if I lost weight I would be happy. I don’t feel like thinking about it now that Chinese New year is nearing . We’re gonna go for this CNY dinner this weekend , and I hope people will not comment about my weight . I always had self esteem issues. But hubby told me, not matter what I looked like , he will always love me . Hopefully to get over with this CNY dinner soon . Cannot wait. Will be going home to my hometown this 14th Feb .

We found a new rented house and will be moving in next month . But the thing is, his cousin and pregnant wife might stay with us for a little while because of some family matter  . I don’t know what to feel about it . I thought when we move to the new house , we will have our own privacy finally after 4 years . But not in this moment , guess I will have to wait again… he told me to be patient . But I don’t like living with other people, I’ve always dream of us both living in the house only . Guess I have to forget about that for awhile . 

Last sunday , me and husband had an argument in the car, and what he did was, he speed on the accelerator, I screamed and went into panic attack . Cried and feel like I was suffocating because I was in a car accident once and I am still traumatized by speeds . He shouted at me saying that this is what I wanted right? to make him mad all the time , I admit it is my fault, but I really2 hate people driving with emotion . Like what he did . He stopped beside the road for awhile and me beside him crying like hell and trying to breath . Everytime I remember what happened last sunday makes me feel like crying . He triggered my phobia and after that he said that he was really sorry . 

I really need to change my habit of talking back . I know it’s my fault with what happened last sunday . But still, it doesnt give him the right to do that to me because he knew I have fear of speeding ….

 

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