I wake up.Everyday.Dread hanging onto me.The only feelings stronger than dread are sadness, emptiness, loneliness, and disgust.
I go to school and zone out.I still listen in class.It’s like I’m there but I’m really not.Whenever the teacher calls on me I answer without thinking.It’s a surprise I’m a good student.They always tell me to pay attention.I never do.I put on a fake smile.It fools everyone.No one looks at me like I’m crazy.When my parents take me to the psychiatrist or the doctor and we have to fill out those questions, I’ll make sure to fill them out honestly.
I feel the sadness.I don’t know what causes it.I don’t know where it comes from.I don’t know what to think anymore.The thoughts control me.So do the comments and the looks.And all I do is forgive everyone.For their actions and reactions.I don’t like myself.
I always smile.I always make up excuses.
And the only thing keeping me from killing myself is the method I’m going to use.