So. Neal text this morning asking if he can stop by around 11pm. He’s watching his niece after he gets off work hence the late time. I told him I’m not up for a booty call. He swears he just wants to see me. I hope I can say no of he tries to make a move. I know I want it but I’m worth more than he’s giving me. I’m his ex yet he gets to use me as he sees fit. Even though the sex is amazing I feel worthless after. I wish he would stop drinking so he could see how unmanageable things are becoming. He’s spinning out of control and I’m not going down with him. I’ll always love him but at 31 I’m not into a party lifestyle. I hope I stop loving him soon so it d oesnt hurt so much. I hope I don’t give in tonight. He’s amazing…. the drinking has changed him though. Writing this helps me stay calm. So thank you to those who listen to me whine.