Last night.

Ian and I are still pretty sick. We were both hacking like crazy all night. I guess he’s decided to stay home sick since he didn’t get up. The best I can see he hasn’t even called his boss to tell him he’s not coming in to work. I hope he doesn’t get into trouble.

Why do I fall for these jerks what are totally unavailable.  One minute he wants to live together and the next he doesn’t. He doesn’t even want to call what we have a relationship. He says he’s happy with us and wants to keep us. He wants me to move over to the motel he’s living in at the end of the month so I will be closer to him. We made love last night and it was wonderful. I’m so depressed that he doesn’t want me as a permanent fixture but wants me close to him. I just wish I wasn’t so repulsive that he wants me permanently around and all the time. Hopefully this infatuation with Ian will go away soon and I’ll never see him again. I wish I hadn’t stayed in Albuquerque. I should have moved on. Luckily there is a cheep motel in New Orleans. It’s only $600 a month. Maybe I should go there and make a clean break. New Orleans….

Oh, and the fake Kenny G is back.

Even with him here right now I feel so lonely.   I can’t keep going like this.  Ian is so tender and good in bed, he satisfies me.  I’m so afraid he will find someone else even though he tells me he isn’t looking for anyone else.  I don’t want to lose him.

2 thoughts on “Last night.”

  1. Men can use our need to feel loved to keep us around even if they don’t show you the respect you deserve. You have to respect yourself and believe that if you do so, a good man who shows you both love AND respect will make you feel satisfied way beyond what you feel now. More than just satisfaction, but happiness that pulls you two together in trusting devotion.

  2. I guess I should elaborate a little. We met on adult dating site. We both have been cranky has hell. Unfortunately I’ve had my heart broken so many times I’m overly paranoid. He’s doing nothing wrong. It’s usually the guilty party pointing fingers

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