Til tomorrow.

We often give ourselves too much, don’t you think? I’m not saying towards a person. I mean it could be, but I’m pertaining to everything we’ve ever striven for. Recently, I realized that because I’m so competitive I always have to give it my all. 

It’s draining me. I barely have anything to give sometimes and yet I still wake up extra early, sleep extra late and regret not being able to do as much as I had hoped. 

We give so much and we get so little in return. Just this week I was told that I love too much and I’m asked to take it slow. I put so much effort in law school and yet I get bad grades. I try to be as good of a citizen as I can be and yet I get a ticket for taking a wrong turn. I express myself to my friends and be told that I’m a bully or I’m intimidating. I try to help out those around me and I dont even get a thank you or worse they ignore me after. 

I’d like to think it’s not their fault because you’re not supposed to expect anything in return, right? But is that really how it is? Should I blame myself for expecting something that they won’t give me. 

I’m tired of expecting. I’m tired of being disappointed and blaming myself again. I know we’re supposed to see the brighter side of things and stay positive, but I’m tired. My heart is tired. I’m all out of anything to feel today. And yet, despite how ignored and rejected I am right now, I’m going to wake up extra early again tomorrow and expect. That’s all we can ever do, really… hope for the best and expect for good things, no matter how painful it can be. 

Xoxo,

From the girl who wishes for the rain to start pouring again. 

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