My Life’s Turning Point

Song of the Day: “This Is Me” with Keala Settle

The year was 2013 and I’m still reeling in the fact that I’m no longer at war. At the start of 2013, I was 4 months removed from Afghanistan. Reintegrating back into my normal life was not what I expected. I realized that peoples lives didn’t stop because I was away. I returned home and all the love quickly faded and it became as if I was forgotten about and not missed.  I started school to give me something to distract me, however that distraction proved not to be enough. Though it was a good distraction, after an insane 2 years of army life, normal wasn’t just cutting it anymore.

I believe I had an undiagnosed case of depression. I would not leave my room, I barely ate, and a headache was as common as going to the restroom.  I thought it was a brain tumor and it was ultimately the end of me. After a few months of running away from the headaches, I decided to go see a doctor.  The doctor visit proved to confirm that I didn’t have a tumor but I was in perfect health. To someone else that would have been great news but not me. I wanted to know what was wrong with me. Over time I said it must be the mood I’m in. I cared about the opinions of others and it was making me sick. Mental health often times can’t be diagnosed with a test.

I decided to make drastic changes that would allow me to not only be physically strong but mentally as well.  I moved away from home and lived on my college campus. It was the best decision because it opened me up to a whole new part of myself. In life people always expected for people to match the levels. What I mean is you get what you put in. Over time I realized that it’s better for my mental health to realize that I care more about other than they do me. So if they don’t return a phone call, text, or I’m the one calling to check on them, it’s not a reflection of my character but of theirs.

I no longer stress over the things I can’t control and I control the things I can. I’m not a perfect person nor have I have claimed to be. For too long I allowed the actions and opinions of others to dictate my character and how I view myself. I’ve never really had a problem in the friend department so when it’s often the best part of my life but it’s also at times be a curse. Often times I’d rather be a good friend than a lover or a good friend to someone who’s not worthy. I love helping people but often times its people who don’t want to be saved.  I know how it feels to be on the outside looking so whenever I’m in a position to extend friendship I do.

Having this mindset oftentimes causes problems because if you’ve read any of my past posts you’ll know that the foundation to which I build my life is that of love. I, for the most part, have friendship love at a balance, however, because of that my relationship love takes a hit.  I say that because my friends are made up of both genders. Over time women sometimes need a friend more than they need a lover and often times I’m that guy. I’m a good friend but don’t possess many characteristics that would make me a good lover. I have friends that from time to time I believe we could work, however, just doesn’t pan out because one must understand the balance. What I mean by balance is that don’t mistake being nice for a form of romantic interest. If they wanted something other than friendship they would present the opportunity clearly.  So that’s something I’ve taught myself over the years is that when it comes to situations such as this think with your brain and not your heart. The evidence is there don’t know when and when not to shoot your shot. 

As this comes to a close we realize that you have to control the things you can no matter how difficult those things may be. The year 2013 is when I learned this and here I am in 2018 still learning. I know this quote ” You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” is used a lot, however you must take those shots at changing the things in your life that leaves to mentality incapable.

Until Next Time – Cherish The Tradition

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