I have about 337 things that I am wanting to type about. I have so much on my heart however typing is not my forte. I’m not gonna lie……. starting Sunday night after I dropped the kids of I was starting to hurt. I have been very positive lately but last night and today were a struggle. This evening I ran into a speaker from church while I was helping a friend move a bed. I didn’t really want to help move the bed but glad that I did!! God is so faithful. He knew just who to have cross my path. Lovers of Jesus know how to encourage and speak life into each other. He told me that there is nothing that I am going through that he hasn’t been through. He wants to talk with me in private sometime soon. I am excited about this path that God has led me down. He is faithful. I took the first steps and he is leading and guiding me. I want to be a powerhouse for his kingdom. I still have my bride/family on the forefront of my mind. I got to see my wife leaning into her car when I drove through town. She is so special to me. I got to see her 2 more times. She won’t look at me but I pray one day that will change. It is in God’s hands. I was thinking the other night………….. I was thinking about the intimacy that I felt with her. I’m talking about the deep, indescribable, higher than the clouds intimacy. The kind that you do not want to end. When you want to hold that person and feel the weight of the world melt away and drift away to a new dimension. This is not something that could ever replicated by another partner. I’m not guessing or kicking rocks. This is something that I know. She was pure. She had a pure heart, pure mind and pure body. I want to claw at the sky in fear that she has been darkened or deceived. I pray that God has protected her. I hope that her thoughts have been protected. I hope that her light has been shining brighter than it ever has. I pray earnestly that her excitement for her savior has been at a level that she has never experienced. I pray that Satans plan for her demise has not sabotaged her worship. I just closed my eyes and remembered back to when I could see her worship and witness her excitement for her savior. Dear Jesus, please protect my beautiful bride. Please help her bear the weight of this world and shield her from its ugliness. Oh mercy, she was the purest and most marvelous lady ever. I have a confession to make…….. this is embarrassing to say the least. I had music playing the other night and I was in the kitchen when all of the sudden I caught myself slow dancing with her. It felt so real. It was more satisfying than any REAL encounter with any other human. I pray for discernment daily because I NEED to know whether I am holding onto her in a futile manner or…….. is God whispering into my ear saying “be patient, I got this. I’m positioning you both for something that you cannot even fathom”. My heart truly believes the latter. I’ll give her a mile just to have an inch in return. I’m working my way back to my family. Ain’t gonna lie. It’s a tough road. When you work at something and do not see results it gets frustrating. Ahhhh, but this is the desert…. this trying time is to be expected. I know that the more I seek God the more Satan will release legions of demons to try and stop me. Satan is scared. He knows how determined that I am. I’m TAKING by force what God has for me. I may encounter roadblocks but I will be in constant forward perpetual motion. I can’t wait for one day to share the word that was spoken to me tonight. I’ll be holding her hand and speaking to a crowd about the power of my heavenly father. I am going to be pulling people out of the ditch. I am going to speak life into the depressed and addicted. God has already given me homework!!! I better get to it because peoples souls are at stake. Speaking of…… life is so short but we spend it occupied with pride, ego, unforgiveness etc. C’mon folks…….. peoples lives hang in the balance of eternity. Lets get our act together and storm hell with water pistols!!! Our marriages, our children, our neighbors etc……… they are all counting on us!!!