For the record… This is more of a personal story of me narrating my life for the past 6 months. In order for me to think through everything I went through, such as, falling in love, meeting them for the first time, obsessing, caring, loving them and heartbreak, I feel like writing it down and sharing it will just clear my mind.
Let’s get started.
July/ August 2017:
In this current time frame my best friend and I are road tripping through the eastern half of the United States. We drove through Illinois, Kentucky, Tennessee, West Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia and Florida to go back home to Missouri in early August. Currently we are in North Carolina at a friends apartment, where we decide to crash for the next couple of days before going back on the road. My best friend’s boyfriend, now fiance, is a United States Marine and boy is he a pain in the ass. During our couple of days in North Carolina, I decided to go out with my new friend to the beach and the mall. My best friend, deciding to stay in the apartment until her boyfriend showed up, put on Netflix and promptly went to sleep… at 2 in the afternoon. Oh well.
So this new friend of mine got along with me really well. Before this trip, I had never met her in person. My best friend knew her because she was the girlfriend of the best friend of my best friends boyfriend. If you can decipher what I just wrote, props to you. Anyways, we went to the beach and the mall, but I was getting bored on my first night there. So what does any 19 year old single white girl do? Download Tinder. Frankly, if I could, I would go back in time and never download the app to my smartphone. Only because that is how the most toxic 6 months of wasted time started.
I’m not going to use his real name. So. Lets call him… Rian. I don’t know anyone by that name so… What the hell, Let’s use it. Now Rian was not my first match on Tinder. Honestly I ignored him at first and chose to talk to other people. But I learned quickly that most marines think with the wrong head…. If you catch my drift. Rian was one of the only ones that could actually hold a conversation. However, I quickly learned that he was nowhere in North Carolina and instead he was in California doing training.
After about 2hours of talking, I realized that the guy wasn’t a Grade A typical marine asshole. He was funny, realllllly damn cute, witty and sarcastic and flowed in having a conversation with ease. We quickly exchanged numbers and our usernames for snap chat and instagram and continued talking for… Well awhile if i’m being honest. I loved talking to him. He was like this weird breathe of fresh air that I felt I needed in my life at the time and I was ecstatic someone as cute as him wanted to talk to me. I mean. Come on! Blue eyes, blonde hair, 6 foot even and he could hold a conversation? It was a damn miracle.
But there was a catch. On the second day of talking, before I had his Instagram or Snapchat, he dropped a bomb that I wasn’t expecting. Almost two years ago (two years this past January) he and his ex girlfriend had a beautiful baby girl. I was shocked, but honestly it didn’t faze me that much. His daughter is such a beautiful little girl, shes gonna be a heart stopper when she’s in her teens.
Anyways! Throughout August we talked… a lot. We talked on the phone about once a week, when he had good signal, and just kept talking about wanting to meet one another someday. His friends always gave Rian so much crap for calling or texting when he had a break or a moment to look at his phone. His best friend… Lets call him Gunner. Now, Gunner had the most southern name for someone born in Alabama, and I gave that boy so much crap about it. Gunner is from some town near Dothan, AL… I think. Don’t hold me to that information because it’s probably wrong. Now Gunner, would love nothing more than talking smack while Rian was on the phone with me. I always laughed so damn hard because through the phone Gunner had the most Alabaman accent I have heard in my entire life. It was like this thick backwoods accent that sounded so bad over the phone.
Now in August… Rian and I got extremely close. Personally I don’t get close to people. I’m a very closed off type of girl, but something about Rian just made me want to open up and confide in him about things that had happened over the past few years. I felt like I could tell Rian anything about me and he wouldn’t judge me at all. One night, after about two weeks of talking, he said “Hey i’m sorry but i’ve got to get back to work love you ttyl”. And I just stared at my phone. I honestly had no clue what to say. About 5 seconds later “Shit ignore that last text, it’s a habit”. Externally I went “Oh thank god”. Internally… I felt sort of disappointed. But I shrugged it off and went to sleep.
A week before college started back up, my sister and I went to NYC for 3days. I had an absolute blast and I cannot wait to go back this May! During this trip was the first time I felt like screaming at Rian. Some things had happened at the Airbnb we were staying in and we had no hot water at all. Along with that, my sister decided it would be a genius idea to annoy me while talking during the movies we were watching… I absolutely hate people who do that. An Rian just happened to be getting back to his bed to go to sleep and decided it would be an excellent idea to text me. But instead of our usual texts, he was moody also and was short and to the point with every text he sent.
Well… You can imagine how that conversation went, because eventually I cracked and sent a paragraph the length of the screen to him (I honestly cannot even remember what I sent to him). He retaliated and it was just a wonderful night of bitching until I broke and apologized and said I was having a bad night. He then forgave but chose to end the conversation with “Goodnight”.
(This journal is turning into a short novel. I apologize)
I’m going to stop here in August for this journal. Only because nothing more really happened with us building out relationship and so forth. But I have one thing to say:
Before I stop and continue with another entry tomorrow for the month of September, if anyone is reading this… Thank you. xx