We Miss You

Michael and I went to dinner tonight.  It started out very light hearted – talking about our beach vacation that’s coming up and all.  Then we started talking about having kids.  Then we started talking about how hard it was to have kids and how unfair it was that a lot of our friends could look at one another and get pregnant.  Also, how unfair it was that you weren’t here for us to tell that we are pregnant(when we do get pregnant of course).  I wanted so bad to tell you that I was pregnant because then maybe I would know that you loved me.  Then we started talking about you and how unfair it was to be here without you.  We knew how lucky we were before we lost you but I don’t think we really knew what it would ever be like at this point in our lives without you.  Sure, you pissed us off at times but that’s normal.  If you pissed us off as much as some of my friends’ relationship with their parents, do you think we would have wanted to be so close to you and then move away – and then move back?  We WANTED to live by you, wanted.  I know when Michael brought it up to me, I thought’, “that is really an option?!”  Sure, we loved our house but we HATED where it was.  Moving back by you was home to us and you knew we were adults then and we could actually have an adult relationship then.  That’s when it mattered to us to move back.  Sometimes it’s just that when we were younger, we didn’t know your generosities because you weren’t always outward with them.  It was really for us to figure out and I’m so glad we did before you left.

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