Well, all this time I thought he was interested in long term. Tonight he curtly informed me that he wasn’t and never was. All the shit he was spouting about us having so much in common and he could see us having a long term relationship has been a lie. I’ve been so stupid to trust a man. He expects me to believe that he’s open to a long term relationship when he really doesn’t want one. God how stupid could I believe that he was interested in me. All he wanted was sex and then a place to stay when he was off a week from work because he was sick. I am so stupid. All this proves is that I’m going to spend the rest of my life alone. If I cant get my own family to love me how am I suppose to get a perfect stranger to love me. I’ve been so afraid that I’d never find someone that made me feel the way he did I never saw that it never existed to begin with. Why do some people find perfect happiness, the perfect mate and spend forever happy. I guess I should feel myself lucky that I found 30 minutes of happiness. I’m so scared of being alone but I don’t have a choice now. The one person I thought I had a future with is a wash. I don’t know where I’m going from here other than a grave. I’ve got to figure out how I’m going to get him to keep Murray so he will at least have a home especially since I don’t have one and never will. I’m still unwanted by everyone. I guess I’m just to repulsive and evil for anyone to want me.