learning

So scratch absolutely everything from those last entries.

It was important stuff, but it was honestly stupid. I wasn’t all familiar with depression and anxiety and what it felt like, so I sort of thought I was dying, in a way. It sucked. 

And now here I am, updating my journal after having a great night with some friends. I know whatever I talked about previously was just a trial, and that it was meant to pull through. I hated the time it took to get through and how stupid and useless it felt, but it gave my experience, and the ability to recognize a slope when I’m near one- and how to prevent it. I was with a therapist on and off, but during the time I didn’t want the help. Instead, I kept feeling shitty and waiting for someone to come and give me everything I thought I needed. 

 

Somewhere in the following year, realization finally struck me and I took the steps to rid of it all. It was probably the easiest thing ever. I don’t know where the motivation came from, or why I did what I did, but I don’t have to deal with the horrible feelings and I’m better prepared to fix them when they next come. 

I’d say it’s just maturing, which is nice. I’m current with my schooling, going out and exercising often and feeling generally decent about myself. 

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