over again

 I went to gym this morning.  When I came back he’s shutting down again.  He was all lovey dovey and we even made love twice.  He’s still being a little touchy feely but I’ve made several comments to him and he won’t even respond.  I’ll bet it’s that bitch again.  I wish I could banish her from his life.  I don’t know what kind of influence she’s got over him.  There’s no talk of them getting together or even meeting up.  Right now I’m so afraid when we leave here and go over to the Siegal Suites he’s going to dump me.  We’ve only missed 2 nights together in the past 3 weeks.  It’s gone too much too fast.  There hasn’t been much choice.  First I was out on my ass for 3 days and now he’s missed a week of work due to illness and now almost another because of unforeseen circumstances.  I keep telling myself it’s because he’s worried about work and money.  My paranoia is kicking in big time.  I pray that’s all it is.  I read an ebook about men pushing women away.  It said they wanted smart sexy women with a good sense of humor.  I’m not smart and I’m not sexy.  I have no way to compete except that I have a sex drive.  But no man will stick around just for a sex drive.   I’m still afraid after we move over to the other motel and he’s able to get his own room he’ll dump me for the bitch.  I’ve made up my mind, if it does happen I’m leaving for New Orleans.  There’s no reason for me to stay here.  I was planning to leave on the third of this month and didn’t because of him.  He fed me all this shit about having so much in common.  I pretty much get him on everything else.

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