Valentine’s Day.

Why do I feel like valentine’s day is just a miserable holiday? I mean I have a boyfriend who’s nice and I shouldn’t complain because i’m not single. It’s just that every valentine’s day I see couples together having fun or boyfriend buying their girlfriend’s flowers and candies or going on dates but I have never had that before. I mean yes I have a boyfriend and I know that we only live a hour away but we never get to see each other because we don’t drive and I have reasons on not seeing him. I will tell you the reasons is that i’m having problems out of my teeth so I have to get partials in front top of my teeth I have weight issues and i’m embarrassed by it. I don’t wanna tell him the truth or see him because I think he’ll make fun of me or not wanna be with me anymore. I know that I should tell him the truth but I don’t feel comfortable too here’s a guy I have been talking to flirting and talking to him more like a bf/gf way than a friend way. I feel guilty about it I don’t wanna lose my boyfriend over it it’s just I miss the feeling of being wanted or i’m not sure how to describe it but this guy makes me feel this way. It’s bad because I feel like I don’t wanna be with this guy I just like the feeling he gives me my boyfriend doesn’t know about him or how we’ve been talking to each other. This guy lives away from me though I will probably never see him but I feel like a bad person. I don’t know what to do I don’t have anyone to talk to get their opinion on this because I don’t have friends and before you say are you to young. No i’m 23 but have no friends and it’s just a lot going through my head right now. I don’t know how to put it into words it’s just my boyfriend I feel like doesn’t make a effect because whenever i’m upset he doesn’t really seem to care. I mean I know it was valentine’s and it’s just another holiday but he could’ve at least sent me a card or a letter saying he loved me just seeing these other guys. They get their girlfriend’s flowers, candies, cards or write them letters or take them on romantic dates me I get nothing it’s depressing makes me feel like i’m worth it. I mean neither of us did anything for each other but I feel like i’m not good enough I wrote him a letter he never wrote back. I’ve sent him birthday, christmas and valentine’s gifts last year or the year before I got nothing back but once at Christmas when we first started dating. We’ve been together almost three years now which explains a lot when I first met him he gave me flowers which was his mom’s idea not his. I just wish he would put in the effect but he acts like he gets mad if I say anything like last year. I think I sent him something for valentine’s day and he didn’t send me anything my brother got his fiance candies, roses, gift and food for v-day. But she bitched him out about it and I told my boyfriend I wish he got me something at least my brother got his fiance something even though she didn’t enjoy it I would have he did it for me. My boyfriend got mad at me for saying that said I always whined about him not getting me stuff which isn’t true I never whine to him about him not giving me stuff. I just thought it would have been nice just to get a card or flowers to remind me of him. I feel like if I was another girl who was prettier or skinnier or something along those lines I would get something or he’d want to spend time with me more. Last time I went down there to see him he kept saying i’m going head back didn’t even kiss me or act like he wanted give me a hug but at least I got a hug from him before he jumped out the car. He says it’s my family that he doesn’t like being around but I feel like it’s me who he doesn’t like being around because even when my family isn’t around he still acts funny around me. Like is it me? I feel like i’m not pretty enough or something because i’m overweight. Honestly I need to lose weight and get my life together I wanna go back to school but I feel like a failure. I feel like no matter what I do i’ll still be a failure at life and not succeed I know people tell me that I could do better for myself in life and in relationship wise but I just don’t think I can. Maybe i’m wrong but i’ll never find out until it happens you know? oh well. Ttyl.

2 thoughts on “Valentine’s Day.”

  1. Hey there lady. I understand how you’re feeling. Im 28 years old and i weigh 220lbs so im over weight and my front teeth were knocked out in a car accident. I know what it feels like to look in the mirror and hate what you see staring back at you but trust me things do get better. 1st understand that your value is not determined by someones ability to see your worth. Youre worth surpasses all earthly things. Roses, gold, diamonds.. None of it compares to you. And if someone cant see that then the problem is with them, not you. 2nd you spend alot of time focusing on the “negative” things about you. Teeth weight etc but what about the good things?? Take a hard look at that lady staring back at you in the mirror and start focusing on the things you think are beautiful about her. Do you think she has pretty hair? How about your eyes? Find something you love about yourself and focus on that. And if your weight and your teeth are still having a big impact on you, then you have the ability to change it. Teeth can be fixed (i got bridge for mine) and weight can be lost. Love yourself girl. Youre amazing

  2. Anyone can do better than the way he is treating you. Dump the hell out of him. Don’t let yourself be a victim to his crappy behavior any longer. We except the love we think we deserve. And you need to realize you deserve more.

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