why is my life like this?

There’s so much going on in my mind.

I’m stressed about going to college and relationships and life.Things at home aren’t good i’m trying to get emancipated but i’m scared to even get the process started and it’s so confusing to me i don’t know whether or not to just wait until i’m 18 or just try and get emancipated now.It’s a scary ass thing growing up and i feel like I’ve already failed at it for the past 12 years of my life  

And right now i’m just beyond stressed out i just want to get away and live free but i know that there are so many responsibilities i’ll have to complete before i go out and venture and who knows how long that will take.

Can you even have a successful life if you go to a community college how will that look when you apply to jobs.

I honestly want to be successful so bad but don’t know where to even start now because I’ve done nothing but fuck up. Seems like everyone else has their shit together except me.

Everyone is getting acceptance letters to big colleges and universities and i’m getting an acceptance letter to my town community college. I just feel lost and i feel so far behind i come to school everyday and smile and try to finish it this last year of high-school but it’s so hard sometimes i feel like dropping out.

HAve you ever had that feeling where like you can see things you want in your future and how you want everything to plan out but don’t know how to get there (ex.I want to get married to my boyfriend and i picture a big wedding and having your first dance) but how do i get to this point? how do i take these steps into this direction?

I just feel like i never know what to do,i feel stupid and out of place and its making me not want to try my last year of school (which is now).

My boyfriend has convinced that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and that we are going to get married but i have a lot of doubts and maybe its because i’m scared and i know that my family wouldn’t approve of my decision just because it’s him and the fact we are getting married at a young age and moving out “apparently” and if you’ve read my past 2 journal entries you’d understand the reason for my doubts.

Is it stupid that i just want romance and success ..but how do i accomplish both of these at the same time?

Even during sex. I want it to be romantic i want to feel important during sex and maybe i’m just expecting to much. I want someone to show me they deserve my body and care for it.

I want to be able to have the best orgasm i’ve ever have not just sex out of wedlock or just to have sex because he’s in the mood.

Don’t get me wrong i know he’s trying to make me happy and i just don’t want to ruin it and make him think i’m unappreciative.When we are having intimate relations you can tell he’s trying his best to please me but i just don’t feel it like when we first met

Maybe it’s because we have sex all the time and it’s just getting boring ….

I’m so over everything at this point and don’t know what to do  

One thought on “why is my life like this?”

  1. totally understand having visions of how you see your life or what you want to happen and not knowing how to get there. I see myself as fit and happy but I can’t seem to get my actions in line with my VERY real vision of how I want to live my life.

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