still injured

I’m going to ride it out.  In 3 weeks I’ll know for sure when we move over to Siegal Suites.  If he continues to come and spend time with me I’ll chalk it up to me umping to conclusions, the wrong conclusion.  If not I’ll know everyone was right.  He keeps telling me he wants to be with me and he really enjoys what we have together.  He constantly smiles at me and shows me great affection.  In bed he’s clacking off big time.  He’s only been able to get one hard on all day.  He kept initiating sex yesterday on only got 2 hard ons.  He says it’s not my fault that it’s because he’s a little raw.  I still can’t help but blame myself that he’s losing interest.  We got thrown together practically 24/7 in less than a week.  I blame myself for letting it happen.  I had to move in with him for 3 days because the front desk here screwed up and didn’t include the last 3 days before I got my check.   Then he got seriously sick and had bronchitis and missed a week of work.  He’s missed most of this week too so that’s going to mean an extra week with me.  I give him 2 weeks after that to see if he’s serious about spending time with me.  If I don’t see him again I’ll know the bitch won his heart and I lost.  At that point I’m leaving for New Orleans.  I feel as though he’s my twin flame, my soulmate but as yet he doesn’t feel that way.  On minute he says he can see us maybe being in a long term relationship and if I mention it he denies he feels that way.  He’s still treating me very good, lots of affection and loving words.  He doesn’t know that I saw that text message from the bitch saying she’s sorry she got him sick.  I’ve looked at my calendar and he should have happened within a week of our meeting.  I wish now I hadn’t caved.  I never realized he was going to be so wonderful.  She keeps trying to talk him over to her place saying nothing physical has to happen but he never responds.  I hope she keeps it up because I know if she does he’ll run like hell and right into my arms and hopefully stay there.  He keeps telling me how much he enjoys what we have and wants to keep it.  I pray he means what he says.  He agrees that we will probably be together constantly.  I hope he’s being honest with me.  I want to be wrong about my instincts about the bitch.  I’ve tried every binding and banishing spell I can find as well as a few new ones and she’s still here.  I hope he’s just staying in contact just to be polite.  I sincerely hope she starts pushing him hard enough he dumps her but then again I just wish she would go away or he would tell her to take a hike that he already has somebody.  He told me at first if he’s with someone he won’t get with another.  I hope that’s the truth.

I feel so scared and alone even though Ian is here.  Please, God, let everything work out.

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