2/19/18-Day 4

Well, I’m still here. Still suffering. Trying to get better. Been feeling a huge pain in my heart. Like feeling empty. Sucks not even being able to tell your close friends and sister about your pain because you don’t think they’ll be able to understand. So, I get to walk around with this huge pain in my chest because of my hurt and anxiety, attempting to hide it. What makes everything even worse is the fact that no one even knows about my hurt that I’ve been struggling with. I paste on this fake grin and this fake smile and this fake attitude. No one suspects or even knows how much I have been struggling. I just want to be done. I want to be able to live on this planet without the load of emotional pain that I feel. That’s just not possible, so I convince myself more and more everyday how much better off it would be if I were dead. 

I found out today, that my best friend might have cancer. As if things couldn’t get any worse. I already thought things have gotten as bad as they can get, but just like always. I was proven wrong. I just wish things could start turning up. I wish I had someone to talk to. I wish I could just have a vacation from my own head.

Anyways, goodnight and I hope your day and night is much better than mine.

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