Just as the the title states, college really does suck. It has been longer than a month since I last wrote, but I always get this weird urge to write when I am home. Last year during this time, I was getting anxious to attend college, I just wanted to graduate and move out of this small town and start the new chapter of my life. I had this high expectation that I would be best friends with my roommate and suite mates and that I would have the greatest time of my life, just like everybody says, but I have yet to experience that. The first few weeks of college were fun, not going to lie but it went away in the blink of an eye I met numerous people, went out and had a bit too much, attended tailgates and football games, and much more. My roommate and suite mates decided to rush for sororities and I chose not to, because it just doesn’t seem like a right fit for me, but I fully supported them in their decision and was so happy for them to get bids and join the sororities that they loved. However, I feel like I have lost them. My roommate choses her boyfriend over me, which is totally fine. I have gotten use to being alone with a dorm room. My suite mates are two peas in a pod, and I am happy for them and I thank them for including me in as the “thirdwheel” as much as they can. But I have emotionally reached the point where I cannot do it anymore. Loneliness has taken me over. I eat every meal by myself, I study for classes and exams by myself, I attend the gym by myself, I have almost attended sporting events by myself, I go shopping by myself; all in all, I do everything by myself and it is February. As I lay in my dorm bed at night, I listen to the neighboring girls experience what I am not. The experience of staying up late, laughing and gossiping with your roommate, the experience of having someone to vent to, the experience of just having someone; the experience of what I am not experiencing. High school to college has been one hell of a transition, going from having best friends since kindergarten to having nobody. My two best friends are hours away and although we SnapChat our whole lives to each other, it just is not the same. I’ve tried to go out and meet new people, but it is hard to do when everybody already has their “people” and “groups.” I am afraid that it is too late and at this point, I will be finishing out my freshman year of college by myself.
I pray though that eventually life will turn around and go my way, but for now, I am letting God do what he thinks is right and if that means I need to be alone everyday, then so be it.