I have no reason to doubt Ian but for some damned reason I’m back to being a scared little girl that he’ll cheat on me or I’ll lose him.  I saw it in black and white him telling the bitch that he wasn’t free any more.  I don’t know what my problem is.  Thankfully I’ve managed to keep it to myself and not express it out loud to Ian.  I guess because my ex cheated on me and pretty much every man I’ve ever dated cheated and broke my heart.  I guess I’m not as ready for a relationship as I thought.  I don’t want to push him away.  I need to make sure I keep it sucked up and keep my insecurity to myself.  What finally caused him to push the bitch away is because there was an incident yesterday morning and I stood with him and didn’t make a big deal about it.  I know most women would have bolted.  I didn’t and he seemed so happy that I was willing to stay with him and not put to much into it.  I told him it was probably because he’d been stressed about work and money.  He’s basically missed 2 weeks of work.    He told me he liked it that I got it.

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