Needing a break

Around my family I always feel like I’m on the edge like whatever I do is never good enough for them. They talk down to me like I’m trash and I have no one to vent too. Because most people just judge me upon my looks around my area. I wish I could find decent friends or friends in general. I’m scared though that if I tried finding friends all they will do is make me feel worse about myself.  I’m 23 years old I am overweight I’ve never had a job I dropped out of high school at 16. I feel like a failure and my family doesn’t really help me there’s no support from them. My family just talks bad about me my nephew, mom, brother and sister always makes fun of me. It shouldn’t hurt but it does it makes me vulnerable I feel broken. My nephew calls me names, mocks how I talk, not having my own money or job or place, etc. I can’t stand it and I want a job don’t get me wrong I hate asking my parents for a dime much less anything else. I get a reminder of it ALL the time about how I owe them or should move out. It’s always by my nephew he’s 13 and I know you shouldn’t care what people think. But it’s not just him it’s my brother or my sister as well but hearing it EVERYDAY. It hurts me and I tell them it hurts me but it never changes anything because they go back to doing it. I wanna get a job but my weight holds me back I hurt like crazy or I’m embarrassed by the way that. I look I don’t want people I went to school with or anyone seeing me like I am now. I feel insecure and I feel like I’m trapped only place I can go to get away is the bathroom. I can be away from everyone either here or my bedroom I know it sounds silly but it’s true. I feel like a giant failure I feel like my feelings doesn’t count to anyone. I feel like I’m going end up not being able to succeed in life and do what I want too. I’m scared I’ll be something I’m not or something I don’t know I think about suicide. I know I wouldn’t do it but everyone hurts me especially the ones I love who is supposed to be there for me. I don’t know anymore. 😔😭

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