another awesome Tuesday

Another great night at recovery. Tonight was testimony night. A lady gave her testimony about being 15 years clean from meth etc.  That is what church is all about!!!  No greater joy than to hear about someone enjoying the freedom from addiction and living in Christ. I do struggle with the words that my wife told me “you will never change”. The only response I have is that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I’m not out to prove her wrong. I am out to better myself and in turn lead others to Christ.  If she ever wants to humble herself and allow me back into her life it will be an added bonus. I know that we can do great things together. However, I know that it would take an act of God to soften her heart. “I can only Imagine” what heaven will be like. All of us together with no differences or hostility towards one another. My hope is that every single person gets to experience it. I do not want to see anyone go to hell. Nor do I want to see anyone suffer at the hands of addiction while on this earth. I want to be heavily involved in the recovery program and in the rods of pastor Matt “pull people out of ditches”. I don’t want my name in lights or to be recognized. I want to do the Lords work in the background. If I fall into some kind of leadership in the program then I will have to be in front of crowds. Ughhh. LOL  But God uses even the least of us. It would be heavenly if I had my wife behind me cheering me on. She is an anchor. She is strong in her faith. She is also strong in her commitment to divorce me. When I think about it I seriously cannot wrap my mind around getting divorced.  It’s almost like a bad dream that I am getting ready to wake up and be free from. But instead, it is reality but instead of waking up….  I have to lean on my savior for a miracle. He is faithful through all things. My wife has her own will. If God cannot get through to her heart I will still be shown favor in my life regardless. I guess that is what I struggle with the most…..  I believe in miracles but she has her will. God honors our own will. He honored my will when I was acting out. He did not interfere until I asked him to. Listening to a song…….. “walking around these walls. I thought by now theyd fall”. I’ll keep walking around them until there is breakthrough. “I know the night won’t last”.  God is surely exercising my faith through this. I ask God to make me a corner post in his kingdom. I must acquire some serious faith to remain unmovable and steadfast. My children, family, friends are counting on me and they might not even know it yet. There is a plan for my life to infect this world. No more lukewarm faith just scraping by till the next mountain top. I shall have faith in the valley also. We are not promised a life full of mountain tops. We are born into sin and struggles. I going to get back what I used to have and then some. Years ago when I felt like I was living at the top I really did feel like superman. I felt like I had my own legion of angels around me. But then…..  I made the mistake of inviting a baby gorilla into my life. It turns out that those baby gorillas grow up stronger than us and begin to control us. And let me tell ya…..  those adult gorillas are hard to defeat. Thank you Lord for helping through this. Just a few short months ago I thought that my life was over. I seen/felt the true meaning of hopelessness. Just remember, your comeback can be bigger, faster, better than what was meant for your demise and downfall. I am anxious for tomorrow night to be back at church. Three more sleeps until I get to see my children. I am pumped up. 

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