I was trying to make a reservation at the place Ian was staying and book 2 rooms together so we could have adjoining rooms (he said he wanted that) but Ian doesn’t want that.  Now he doesn’t want me over there at all.   I’m so getting burned out on his ass.  He wanted us to share a room over there and split bills then he didn’t.  Now I know for sure he’s going back to the bitch when we move over there.   He told her he wasn’t free any more and she started insulting my heritage and he hasn’t defended me.  She’s pushing him so hard to come back to her.  When I try to ask him about his intentions about our future and the long term he gets defensive and says he just wants to enjoy what we have so far.  Then he told her it was only temporary. He keeps saying he isn’t looking for anyone else. Now I know why.  It’s because he has 2 of us.  If he was more of a man he could handle 2 of us but he isn’t. He must love the bitch or he wouldn’t be so damned willing to hang on to her and be with her.   Sometimes his eyes are so dead toward but most of the time he seems to have either love or lust in them and they are so kind.  Most of the time he’s so attentive and loving.  I don’t know what to think. I want to call the bitch and talk to her.  I wonder how she’s going to feel when he pees all over her bed.  She claimed to have 4 houses.   I guess he only wants her for her money.   This is one time I wish I had money….to keep him around.   But then he wouldn’t love me for me.   Now I realize he will always want to be with her because she’s rich and I’ll never have anyone because poor.   One minute he wants to fight and the next he can’t get enough of me.  He’s just not leaving.  He keeps bringing more and more of his shit inside.  I don’t know what to think.  I want to toss him out but he’ll end up sleeping in his car.  Since he was off that week sick he hasn’t had more than 10 hours a week since.  I wonder if that’s his doings or not.  I know 2 days in the last 2 weeks have been due to weather.  It poured rain and snowed last night so no work.  He said it’s suppose to rain again tomorrow but I haven’t checked to see what the weathers suppose to be like tomorrow.

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