fear

Yesterday I went out with a man….Ian didn’t care to at least ask if it was a male or a female.  I guess he just doesn’t care about my safety.  We had a big fight about it.  He wouldn’t touch me last night and he still won’t touch me this morning.  I guess I’ve lost him.  I told him that I bet he was glad to get a full paycheck then he could move out and be rid of me.  I initially agreed.  I told him geeze he didn’t have to be to blunt about it.  He said oh gosh I thought you meant getting a full paycheck.  I mentioned several times I bet he would be glad when he could get rid of me and be alone again.  He’s tired of me and wants to be alone and away from me.  I lose again.  I’ll bet I won’t even be able to keep Jeff either.  I guess I don’t deserve to be happy.  There are school closings here in Albuquerque because of the weather and Ian won’t listen.  Its 630 and he’s not getting dressed for work.  If he puts his tennis shoes on again I’ll know he’s going to meet another woman.  I know he wouldn’t chance messing them up at work.  He initiated sex last night and lasted a whole 2 minutes before he went limp again.  He’s just not interested in me sexually.  He’s definitely screwing someone else.

Next week when we move to the other place he’s not planning on being around any more.  He said he would be back now and then.  I’m being dumped.  I love Ian and I’ve lost him.

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