I am redeemed

“stop fighting the fight, it’s already been won”.   I love that song. I like to come home and blast worship music and give my redeemer praise!!  My redeemer has lifted so much dross and shame off of me. All that I had to do is submit to him and give over my will. I tell people that it is the hardest easy thing that they could ever do. And now a new song is on.  “All my hope is in Jesus. Thank God yesterday is gone”.   I am a new creation. I am the prodigal who came home. God is preparing a celebratory dinner and has wrapped me in a garment of grace and mercy. The freedom felt by turning over your hurts, hangups, life etc to God is similar to someone walking out of prison doors after being incarcerated. No amount of money or good times can give the same feeling of freedom. I have done NOTHING to deserve forgiveness for all of my sins. I have fallen short so many times. I have lost my family. I have been in the gutter. I have had church people look down upon me. I have had my beautiful bride tell me that I am a bad person. I have been paralyzed with fear because of lack of faith. I becoming more content with Gods promises. I know that he wants to see restoration in my marriage. Just today I was thinking about how grim my marriage looks but I quickly reverted to thanking the Lord for already taking care of my situation. God can do amazing things when 2 people look to him for guidance and ask for a complete healing of the heart. God can turn any situation around in an instant. ALl we have to do is be obedient. One thing I am learning is that we cannot look to “man” for answers, guidance or advice in general. Often times we get in our circles and let others whisper in our ear. I know what I want and I would never allow anyone else to tell me anything different. Many successful marriages have been in a very dark place.  I have done a lot of reading about marital troubles and one common denominator seems to be that all of the writers were thankful that they put extra tears, work, effort into saving their marriage. Sometimes it is only one sided for a while(which is my case). Right now my wife is putting effort into our continued separation. Like I said earlier though…. that could change in an instant!!!  All that is required is a crash course with the superior one. The one who has all of the answers. And you know what?!?!?  I do not wish any negative in her life. My prayer is that she is strong, empowered, healthy, sound minded and ON FIRE for Jesus. We could be quite the force together if our differences were put aside. I have laid down my stones/weapons. It uses way to much of our energy to try and keep an artillery for backup. I don’t want her past or her actions to use as weapons. I will let love win. Love always wins!!!!!

2 thoughts on “I am redeemed”

  1. your faith is amazing. ive read a few of your journals, and i know your faith will get you through these tough times. never give up on your family…ever!!

  2. Thank you. As the future of my marriage appears more bleak and impossible with each passing day, my faith continues to grow. It is truly a miracle.

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