My best friend committed suicide a little over a month ago. I still can’t process it. I loved him so much, he was like a brother to me. When I’d have problems with hubby. he’d talk to me about it and then go talk to hubby and try to figure things out because he hated seeing me upset. I feel so empty and alone inside. I would mess with him and tease him about girls. I’d hold his hand and hugged him. He claims he didn’t believe in love but I know he did. Every time we’d fight he’d always be the bigger person to apologize. I can still hear his voice saying, “I love youuu boooo”. My heart aches so much. Hubby doesn’t get it, I hate being alone because I have this fucked up fear that I really will be all alone. I miss my best friend so much, I don’t know how to cope with it. I cry and cry all the time, they say I’ll get over it soon but how in the hell do you get over the death of someone you loved so damn much. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.
I overthink the fuck out of it. What really happened? Was there something I could’ve done? What happens after death? What am I doing with my life? I can finally talk about him without crying, I think of him all the time. I cherish our friendship, but damn do I wish he was still here.