Thursday February 22nd

I have to work the ballgame tonight, so I will be here until 8 or 8:30. Ugh. I am frustrated with the Pass teacher. He pisses me off so badly. I fucking cannot stand when people make excuses for a child’s bad behavior. “He can’t self-regulate.” Bullshit. He can self fucking regulate just fine when you are in the room. It’s a funny thing to me that as soon as his teacher walks out of my room, he suddenly cannot self-regulate. Fuck that. Ugh. And, then that mother fucker stayed in my room trying to fucking talk to me when my worst class of the day comes in- well, goddam, all he did was make them worse because I could not give them my attention, and THEN, that mother fucker acted like he was just going to “fix” it. Ha! He fucking did that “if you can hear my voice clap once” bullshit. I wanted to smack the shit out of him. Fuck you, dude. You don’t have a real fucking teaching job. All you fucking do is go class to class and peep in the window to see if kids are on task! What a goddam joke of a position. And that mother fucker tried to tell me how to “handle” the kid. Fuck you, dude. I have a fucking special ed degree just like you do, PLUS two more degrees in education and 22 years of experience. Don’t try to talk down to me and tell me how to “handle” behavior. I was so fucking beyond mad. That kid has wrecked what used to be my best class. Now I have a steady fucking stream of misery all goddam day long. 

Later, that same day…

I just had a department meeting. That fucking gt bitch makes me want to scream. Oh. My. God. Why do people that teach gifted children get the idea that they are superior teachers??? Shit, those kids could teach themselves. They don’t need a superior teacher. It’s the kids that don’t like school or are low ability that need the very BEST teachers. Ugh. I am struggling with my job right now. Really struggling. I hate going to those meetings so fucking much. I hate those gt teachers so fucking much. Neither of the men teachers comes to those goddam meetings. Why do I have to go if they don’t go??? I have got to get a different job. 

I need to figure out some sort of plan. I cannot do what I’m doing now for the next 20 years. Maybe I should go back to school and be a nurse. 

Still, Later…

I didn’t leave school until 7:45, and then I made the mistake of trying to drive through Taco Bell. Holy shit. They must have had one person working. It took me 40 minutes from the time I left school to get home. Perfect end to this day. But still more bad. I called Noah when I got home to make sure he came over and fed John- never really dreaming that he wouldn’t have done it, but he didn’t. Fuck. My poor dog was home alone for 14 hours today. He didn’t use the bathroom in the house- I wasn’t even worried about that- I just felt so bad that he had been alone so long. I cannot believe Noah forgot. I even texted him and asked if he did it. Don’t guess he saw my text.  

I am feeling really overwhelmed with my job. I am exhausted with trying to get kids to do what I want them to do. I really feel like having a job that does not involve kids. A job that is just dependent on my performance. That job at central office I applied for would have been perfect- so fucking perfect- exactly what I want and need. Of course it didn’t work out. Not a single goddam thing has ever gone my way in my whole mother fucking life. 

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