Lonely

He doesn’t want me. I want him to leave so I can move on and do it with someone else and someplace else.   I tried yesterday to hook up with someone and couldnt go through with it.   He’s even implied that his phone is going to be turned off tonight and he doesn’t going to have the money for it.  Yeah my ass.  He just doesn’t want to be in contact with  me I’ll bet.  I just wish he would leave and let me move on but I can’t get him out.  At least it’s only one more week until we’ll be moving to the other motel that’s cheaper and he’ll be out.  I’ll make sure he understands (like I’ve been trying to do already) that it’s over.  I won’t have to see him any more and I can see Jeff again.  I’m not attracted to Jeff but he’s a few years older.  He’s not ugly but he’s not handsome either (like Ian).   And he seems fairly attentive and affectionate.  I’m sure I can learn to like him just as much as I do Ian.  Ian is promising we’ll have sex later but I have the distinct feeling that it’s not going to happen. He promised it last night and the night before.  For 3 weeks we did it 3 or 4 times a night and now it’s nothing.  Tuesday he was off work due to the weather and went at it 7 times.  Something’s happened since then.  He claims he worked three 10 hour days tearing off this roof and replacing it.  I don’t know what to believe out of him any more.  I got a gander as his phone on his text page and Miranda isn’t at the top and there are several others there so either he’s erased it and has told her to take a hike which isn’t like him or he’s just basically told her to fuck off.  I’m not sensing her around any more or anyone else for that matter.  He got some weed and can’t roll the cigarettes and doesn’t have a pipe to smoke it in.  Dumbass.  Granted it was my idea.  I’ve never tried weed and was wanting to.  This was his idea to get it when he doesn’t have any way to smoke the shit.  It’s suppose to be an aphrodisiac  but be my luck it won’t work or he won’t smoke any.  Either that or he’s trying to keep me from smoking it.

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