I hate admitting I’m fat. I mean, its no secret. Anyone who looks at me would say ‘Yup, you’re fat.” But I still hate to admit it. Maybe because, like most people, I have a totally different image of myself in my head. There are times where I forget I’m fat. Just a brief moment where I decide that I could effortlessly pull off an outfit, than oh yeah I forgot. I guess I lost control of my weight. Well, I’ve never actually been in control of it. I know, as an adult I’m the one at fault, but please allow me to place just a small amount of blame on my parents.
I was never told no to junk, unless my parents couldn’t afford it. But even thinking back, there’s a chance I may never have been told no. My mom had this giant spoon/ ice cream scooper thing. It was so large, you could scoop out at least half a carton with the thing. Which meant that my ice cream servings were just a little bigger than they probably should be and that was normal. Every Friday night, giant candy bars, maybe two. Soda until you were sick or there was only one can left, which one should never touch as it became my fathers by default. There was also the lack of exercise. Sure we went out and did stuff and I rode my bike a lot during the summer, but still it just wasn’t enough. These days, I’m still fighting the habits of learned, such as sitting on my butt all day watching videos.
My mom taught me a lot about the dangers of being overweight. When I was a kid, she was overweight but not obese. During that time, she was working and burning off all the bad stuff she put into her body. But as I got older, she ballooned pretty bad. She was a 5’4 woman who weighted close to 300 pounds. It got to the point where she was a diabetic with many food restrictions. But she still fought to eat all the junk she liked. Chips, greasy hamburgers, milk shakes. If it was junk food, she craved it. If she could have cut back on these foods a little and gotten on exercise, she could have been healthy. My mom died September 27, 2017 at 7:42 PM. She had been in the hospital for a month at that point, due to issues caused by her weight. In early August, we had had an argument about her wanting me to buy her junk food. That was our last argument. How stupid is that? Anyways, I’m sorry I tend to ramble a lot. When I write it just all spills out.
I’ve learned to take better care of myself. I don’t go as crazy when junk food. Lately I’ve had Ice cream maybe once a month, my soda intake is around one or two a day (which is light years better than it once was), water is beginning to take a bigger role in my life. But as of right now, I’m obese. I have to admit it. My weight is a monster. I’ve screwed up my body. I know I will have loose skin and terrible stretch marks. But I also know this weight needs to go. Exercise is my hardest one. Everything is so hard, which duh. But its hard to really get the motivation to do anything. I’m promising myself that as soon as the snow is gone I’m going out there and doing something. Riding my bike again, taking long walks.
I hope in six months, I can look at this entry and be able to say I did it.