a fresh start

I’m new here. I’m not sure why I decided to do this but I think I just need somewhere to put my thoughts. Things have been bad lately with my bpd. I have totally lost myself. I’m numb and empty and I feel like I have nothing left to live for. But I’m still fighting. Really the only reason I’m still here is because I refuse to let my stupid disorder win. 

I broke up with my boyfriend today. We’ll call him Blue from now on. We met in April of last year. He was in a relationship with another girl at the time. She was emotionally abusive and made his life hell. He and I started dating in October. Unfortunately, he has bpd too and I just don’t know if we’re compatible. I love him so much and there were times when he made me the happiest person in the world. But overall, I didn’t like who I was becoming when I was with him. We just weren’t working, at least not for me. It still hurts a lot. I’ve been crying on and off all day. 

I’m not sure where my life is going right now but I’m just being dragged along. We’ll see what happens next. 

-M

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