heartsick

I feel so broken hearted.  We did have sex and he did cum but there were other things he didn’t play with.  I feel like I’ve already lost him.  My heart hurts so bad and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.  God I love him so much but he is so toxic.  I’ll never have him as fully as he has me.  Never, no  mater how long I wait or how hard I try.  He wants me all to himself but wont give the same to me.  I love him in bed when he’s all in.  I love the way he looks naked.  He has a great body.  A beautiful face and smile.  How do I reel him back in so that I can have him fully again?

I find myself on AFF again looking for someone who will step up and give me what I want and fulfill my needs and wants and I can fulfill him.

I used to tell Ian he was such a sweetheart and he’d tell me that’s because of the company he was in.  I’ve stood by him through every stupid little problem he’s had.  I don’t think he’ll find anyone else that will put up with his shit.  Maybe he’ll figure that out after he’s lost me.

I’m going to meet Drew in a little bit.  Ian will never notice me missing.  He’s started smoking and drinking so heavily the last few days.  His memory of everything is so twisted right now.  He blamed me for his getting sick with the head cold.  I feel that he was lashing out at me in place of the bitch.  He’s maybe tired of her.  I’m afraid to get on his phone and look that  he’ll catch me.

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