sucks

I hate this.  I feel like shit this morning.  I’m so depressed.  I was hoping Ian would wake me up sometime during the night and he didn’t.  I checked his phone and he’s still in contact with the bitch.  I didn’t get to check any messages but I’m certain he’s been fucking her.  That’s why he’s not been interested in me.  I’m going to brake off the relationship today and tell him to leave one final time and  call the cops if he doesn’t.  I’m thinking of checking into the hospital.  My bipolar is going off the scale and I’m out of my anti-depressant.  I know then he will bring the bitch into my bedroom and have sex with her here.

Oh, and Friday night when I went to sleep I left my cell plugged in on the desk and Saturday morning it was sitting on the nightstand next to Ian.  I guess it’s a good  thing I had it locked down with a pin.

It’s official.  I believe he got up and snuck out and met the bitch while I was asleep.  I just tried to initiate sex and he turned me down claiming he was too tired.  He’s still  claiming exhaustion from working 30 hours in 3 days.  I want him to at least be willing to cut me loose so I can find happiness else ware.  I don’t want to lose him.  I want to believe I’m wrong about everything.  But I’m so scared.  I’ve been cheated on so many times and lied to so much.  If he’s keeping her up he could at least not do it while we’re under the same roof and give it to me and not her.  Yesterday morning we had a bad fight and he said a lot of terrible things.  I want to talk to him about it and ask if he really meant it or if he was just angry.

On top of everything  else he’s been smoking almost 2 packs a day when it’s only been about half a pack or less a day.  I asked if he was stressed about something and he said nothing’s bothering he’s just been smoking.

Are there any guys out there that can shine some light?  I don’t want to believe he’s cheating that he’s just been working that hard.

He had the nerve to rub my nose in the fact that he spent a whole $20 on groceries at Dollar Tree.  Big whoop.  I spent over $100 on him for it to all disappear in 2 days.

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