It’s been a while since I’ve written. Today I’m watching episode 16 of season 1 of the Flash while I write. Right before this I was watching Your Lie in April and got through episode 4 while studying for my second attempt at the GRE. Gracie is sitting next to my bed, instead of getting up on the bed, watching me write. I’ve been working on my descriptive writing as well lately, on the suggestion of a friend I haven’t talked to in a while that used to write with me. I realized I don’t really have anything to write about anymore, and I’m having trouble conjuring the ideas that I used to have when I was younger and used to write all the time. I need to learn to channel my younger self so that I may write fiction again.
I am realizing that my friendship with Mohammad is much more complicated than it seems. Last weekend, I spent time with him for his birthday. I left a bad date and met him at a car meet, where he flirted the whole time. We ended up going to a bar and drinking, then after realizing that a country bar probably isn’t the scene for either of us, we ended up at the hookah bar, like always. That night was definitely an adventure. I enjoyed spending time with him. However, whenever he sees my phone light up with either a message or a snapchat, this look typically crosses over his face and he grows cold with me. I’ve come to realize that this is his way of reacting to me garnering more attention than he does. The next day, he made me drive across town and take him to iHOP for pancakes, wherein we ordered the same pancakes and ate in silence. I think he was jealous still from the night before, but it’s weird to me. I thought we had accepted the fact that we weren’t going to date over a month ago, and came to the conclusion that we are just friends. The other day we were at the hookah bar again and this guy I’ve been talking to lately, Kazi, snap chatted me. This is our typical means of communication, but Mohammad definitely saw. He mentioned something about ‘accidentally’ sending a picture of me to his friend, so I mentioned that Kazi wanted to know what he looked like. Upon hearing this, Mohammad grabbed my phone and held it hostage for a while, while he snapped Kazi. Both of them still refuse to tell me what they talked about.
On that note, I did start talking to a new guy named Kazi. He’s really sweet, likes to game, and watches anime. He’s super nerdy, and super dorky, and really, really, really shy. (Although this seemed to dissipate throughout our quick date). However, as much as he meets a lot of the standards I hold for the guys I talk to, dating him would be very high school. Despite being older than me, he is still living at home with parents who go through his phone and don’t trust him. I would understand all of this if it weren’t for the fact that he is about to graduate from college and is 23 years old. It’s all very reminiscent to me of secret relationships and Romeo and Juliet estranged stuff from high school. I don’t know. I haven’t quite decided whether I’m going to keep this up with him. But he is a lot of fun to talk to. And he’s great at the dirty talk. We also went on a pancake date this morning, but it was a bit rushed because he had a play to get to. He was definitely as interesting in person as he is over text. He’s adorable, and for now I’ll keep talking to him. Who knows? Maybe things will work out in my favor regarding Kazi.
I’m also being thrown for a loop because Dino super liked me on Tinder and is talking to me somewhat. I don’t. I don’t want to mess with that right now to be honest. I’ve been so much happier these past few months. I think I’m going to lay down.