So I semi started this post about a month or 2 ago and I think I was trying to tell a story but stopped as soon as I wrote the title. I actually got scared of something. A jinx, to be exact.
I’m going to explain what I’m afraid of getting something jinxed.
2 years ago, I made a post about something I wanted to say to someone. It was a hella long post. It took me months to finish the whole thing because I couldn’t make it past through some notes without me crying my eyes out. I made it for someone and after I finished I let him read it. It didn’t go well as planned aaand it didn’t just end there like I expected it would. I stated there that when I let him read the whole post, I was going to be okay or I finally moved on. Almost a year after, guess what. None of that happened except for the fact that I’m (kind of) ‘okay’ now but for a different reason.
I can’t really remember what happened after I let him read the post. I just remembered both of us didn’t talk after that.
6 months had passed, Christmas, New year’s, and my birthday went by and I didn’t even bothered to look back or talk to him and to what had happened. I travelled a lot and I mean A LOT to make myself preoccupied. I went to a Bohol, Sagada and Baguio and alongside of those travels, a lot of performances occurred. For a good amount of time, My head didn’t go through much of thinking. I just simply went along with what my life’s trying to pace me to. I only thought about that person when we went to go hiking at Sagada. The whole trip made me really anxious knowing that after our 2 day stay in that silent town, we’re going to Baguio where he lives. The 3 months of fully trying to forget that person went on to be a waste when we arrived in Baguio. My heart just lost it. I couldn’t help but think of certain possibilities. What if he sees me there. What if fate made us see each other again after 3 months of not talking. Luckily, none of that happened.
Come December, we had a big competition that was our main focus so I didn’t think about it a lot. Not at all, to be honest. We went to Bohol, had the best time of our lives.
January 2018. This is where everything fell apart. All those “moving on” phase, lost. You came back. I had doubts at first and also was scared thinking it would be another “come and go” phase that’s why I couldn’t even start this post last February. Funny enough though, it’s mid April and you’re still here! Yay! haha. Kind of rare and most definitely scary. I’m scared that you might leave anytime soon like how you always are. But I have this weird feeling that you wouldn’t but also have a slight feeling that you will. I’d like to be proven wrong. Please prove me wrong.
We’re good friends now. Just like before but more open. It actually scares me how close we are now but I couldn’t think of another way how we’re supposed to get along. My anxiety is making me scared of things but our situation now is also making me happy. You’re finally back and we’re closer than ever. I’m finally happy.
I’d like to know why things happened but learning from the past, forcing something to be explained make things worse. Sometimes it’s okay to just let things happen without trying to know why it happened. There’s no reason for everything. Sometimes things just happens because it needs to happen. Though sometimes it doesn’t end up as we planned it to be and that’s okay. It’s okay not to be okay.
So now, I really don’t know why you’re back. I don’t need to know. I’m just happy that you’re here again and I’m contented with that.