Life without friendships/friends

After I finished high school everything spiraled downwards absolutely everything financially  and then everyone had moved on with their life by that I mean friends from high school but even then I had already lost a great deal of friends because they have built another school because our school was already very full.I always ask myself if it was my fault that I lost all those friends was it my pride .And I say if it was my pride because I never really attempted to contact them 1st when I should have but when I did they wouldn’t reply so I always stayed there and wonder if it was my fault .At the end of the day all i really felt was forgotten I have been left to be forgotten and I never really had anyone to open Up to so  I just built my walls higher .In high school I was already depressed I was dealing with my low grades, lost of friendships and also my parents splitting up and my mother and i moving away from my dad everything was the mess and the few friends I did have they didn’t care.When I graduated high school I had 2 close friends one that did keep in contact with me when she moved to another school well actually that was both of them but 1 of them lets called her rose um she was always really sad and that would really affect me because I was also very sensitive at that point and she will post it over social media so I would assume that she wanted attention and i would ingnore her, that was bad thing for me to do to ignore her and my other friend let’s call her Mary she’s a Pot head I don’t like smoking at all whether it’s cigarets or weed or drink I am very boring, if I could put it that way but I hung out with her every now and then more often than I did with rose so I was close to her plus a knew her since middle school .At the time she was gonna be turning 21I was working night shifts and day shifts so I was working hard to you know get Money but she didn’t really understand that because her parents were paying for to her school and her bills and rent so she was living for free I on the other hand had to pay bills rent and everything else to come for being A grown up .So when she did turn 21 she told me that she wanted me to go clubbing with her but I had to work it really pisses me off because she knew my situation and she knew that I couldn’t miss A-day of work And what really pissed me off about that day is that she told me was to just call in and dont go to work Which pisses me off because she obviously doesn’t understand what it is to work and Pay bills Because everything was given to her . Well to get straight to the point I told her no and she got mad and we didn’t talk for about 2 months After a while I started talking to her again try to patch up the friendship that I had with her even though she had to be the one who had to try to talk back to me but I was doing who gave in. After month or so we got mad at each other again and it’s think it been about roughly 7 or 8 months since we haven’t talked so that goes to show my lost of friends and friendships because I have no friends left at all and I still question whether it’s my fault maybe I was cold towards some but I don’t know. it’s lonely not having a friend to rely on 

 

One thought on “Life without friendships/friends”

  1. It is lonely not to have a friend, but you are much better off without the clubbing, smoking drinking and partying. You showed a lot of maturity by not calling in sick to go clubbing. You are very mature for your age.
    While you are waiting to make new friends, don’t forget the One who is your forever Friend. I’m referring to Jesus. He is as close as your breathing. Talk to Him and ask him to help you find good friendships, and also grow closer to Him. God bless you, dear.

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