I managed to get some school work done yesterday even though I went out to eat twice for Bethany’s birthday. My mother was driving me crazy at the first meal- the brunch. She was in prime form. I said to Jamie something about Cal not getting caught this time, and from across and way down the table, she jumps in and starts says how he won’t get caught, blah, blah, blah. Ugh. Suddenly, she’s a basketball guru. Ugh. She’s been going to all of the hometown team’s high school basketball games. Even the away ones around the state. That is one of the dumbest things I ever heard. I’m sure the gossips of the town are talking about her for it. Why the fuck does she go to those games? She doesn’t have a grandchild at that school and she hasn’t gone there in 50 fucking years. Why all of the sudden, is she so fucking interested in watching other people’s children play a game? So fucking stupid. And, she had on these fucking ridiculous Michael Kors fucking rubber shower shoes with metallic plastic stars cut outs and a big ol’ MK on them. Let’s not even discuss the fact that it’s goddam February and she’s wearing sandals, but they were the most god awful tacky things I have ever fucking seen. She should wear them with her shoulder cut out shirt and make it a whole trailer trash outfit. She looked so stupid. She has no dignity or class. I’m sure she makes an ass of herself at every one of those games, running her gossipy mouth. But she loves fucking Jesus- let’s not forget that- loving Jesus doesn’t interfere with any of the non-Jesus-like bullshit she so frequently does. I wanted to choke her yesterday. And, my sister is bringing William to her fucking house next weekend because she begs to see him all the time, but she can’t see him because it’s the regional tournament, and she’ll be at a ballgame, watching other people’s children play. Stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my goddam life.
Just Keep Swimming
I am a 48 year old adult child of an alcoholic. My childhood could have been a Lifetime movie. I am dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression as a result. I am working on gaining an understanding as to what this means and learning how to be okay with myself. Some days, just killing myself and being done with it seems like the most sensible option. On those days, I keep telling myself, "just keep breathing in and out, that's enough for today."