What the hell is wrong with Ian? He’s been acting affectionate all damn day. I don’t know what the hell he expects from me. I keep pulling away because I know as of Sunday morning I’ll never see him again. I’m going to make sure of that. I’m thinking of asking them to put me in a new room so Ian can’t find me. And leaving in April. I know, despite what he keeps promising me that I’ll never see him again and even if I do I’m going to have to compete with some invisible woman. He said once that we’d still have sleepovers but I doubt that. He’s just broke too many promises lately for me to believe anything he tells me. I don’t care what he does or says I refuse to trust him any more. I refuse to allow myself to trust him regardless of what my head, my gut or my heart tells me. I can’t let him or any other man in again….never will I allow anyone else to get close to me or allow myself to love or feel love again. I can’t do it. I can’t risk the hurt and the pain again. NEVER will I allow trust or love in again.