burnout

He stayed home from work again today without calling in.  I’m afraid he’s going to get fired from his job.  I’m also wondering if maybe when he called in yesterday that they told him that they didn’t have anything to do this week and not to work.  I know construction work can be spotty at best.  Maybe that’s what’s going on.  If so, CHRIST!!!  What have I gotten myself into.  They’re right on Facebook.  A relationship based on sex is a bad idea.  And even worse when you allow them to move in.  Ian is being attentive and touchy feely but that’s it.  He doesn’t touch me where and how he used to 2 weeks ago.  All I can think is that late one night right after I took my meds he came at me and I was too asleep to try to go back at him and that’s about the time he said he couldn’t keep up.  I’m sure he probably started coming at the bitch.  That’s when and why I lost him.  I wish I hadn’t  turned him down now.  If I could go back I would have accepted his advances.

I would love to give Drew a try and now it looks like I’m not going to be able to give him a whirl.  I’ll probably lose him because I can’t get rid of Ian.  I’m tired of walking on egg shells around Ian.   He stays up all night drinking.  I went with him at 830 last night to get cigarettes and beer.  There’s only 3 beers left.  It’s no wonder his ex girlfriend was always yelling at him.  He can’t keep promises or won’t.  He’s  turned into a dud in bed.  I should have never agreed to meet him and let him in.  I’m hurting at the loss of the sexual relationship and the fact that I’ll never find it again in him or anyone else.  I know he’s seeing the bitch behind my back.  There are texts to prove it.  He’s no longer free but only temporarily, he swore there would be no one else while we were together.  She shouldn’t have  hung onto his dick so hard at the same time I supposedly made him raw with sex the day before that wasn’t any more than we had normally had over the previous week.  And “don’t show up smelling like pussy”.  How I found out, I’m not sure how to tell him.  I’ve decided that “friends” from back home called in some favors here and I was shown the texts.  And that he has been followed when he was suppose to be going to and from work and his extra curricular activities.  That’s the real reason he won’t have sex with me any more.  He used to fondle my breasts and me and now he won’t even look at them or touch me.  He’ll have intercourse and he has an orgasm but that’s it.  I want to recapture what we had but I fear that’s all over.

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