no more

Now he doesn’t even want me to touch him.  I guess I’ve finally lost him completely.  I guess I should be glad that I’m meeting Jeff.  He’s checked into a motel not far from here.   Maybe things will spark with him and everything will work out.  I want someone to be with….long term.  Someone to want me and appreciate me.  I’ve tried to stand by Ian but he doesn’t want me.

I want someone to love me and to want me always.  But at this point that’s never going to happen.  I couldn’t make it work with my ex husband.  And he didn’t even want me when I actually had money.  I couldn’t even buy his love.  I can’t even get Ian to like me.  I’m on dozens of dating sites and have been for years and can’t even get one bite.  The only place I can get anyone to  bite is on a sex site.  That’s the only way to get a man is on an adult dating site.

The man I really want doesn’t want me.  Just my luck Jeff will only want a one night stand.

Just tried to break up with Ian and he wasn’t having any of it.  He’s claiming we’re friends and he really cares for me.  I don’t believe a bit of it.  He’s not attracted to me any more and it’s probably because of that bitch.  It’s her he wants not me.  He’s going to be off work again this week claiming sickness.  He’s no more sick than I am.  Now he’s saying he may be staying with me next week when he has money but not the next when he doesn’t.  He’s going to be with her.  I know it.  When he does, I’m calling it all off with him.  It’s over forever.  I’m going to miss his body.  I love his body.  He’s so tall and thin.  I thought I’d never get used to him being so thin but I did and I love it.  His penis is just perfect for me.  .

I pray to the gods it works out with Jeff.  I pray he’s my night in shining armor. Hopefully Jeff will step up and be just as good for me.  Hopefully Jeff will want a companionship.

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