Wednesday February 28th

Pay day. Always a happy day. Ha. I went to see Lisa yesterday. That was the first time I’d seen her in a month. I had to cancel my last appointment because I had to work a ballgame. I hadn’t seen her since the job at central office had fallen through. I was still hopeful about that at my previous appointment. Now there has been another school shooting, the governor is still trying to take our pension, and the idiot excuse of a president is trying to hand me a gun to take to school. A nice, big, all around cluster fuck. The things happening in my job would bother anyone, so someone like me that is fighting PTSD, anxiety, depression, and a grossly dysfunctional family, it’s almost more than I can take. I never even got to half of the stuff going on in my head at my appointment. I’m also already thinking about how my mother will likely try to destroy my role when Bethany has a child some day. She completely undermined and destroyed my relationship with Bethany, so I have no doubt that she will try to wreck my relationship with Bethany as a young mother and with my grandchild. 

Later, that same day…

So we had an incident at my school today. As I was writing the above words during my plan time, my principal announced we were in a “heightened alert” situation. At first I thought it might be something going on in the neighborhood, but it was a kid had made a threat on social media. This is the new normal. Kids making threats and everyone’s lives getting fucked up because of it. After we went back to the regular school day, that kid in my 4th period that has started acting out, was crazy today. I called for his sped teacher to come get him. He never came, so I made a NOW call. This, apparently was a mistake. The whole admin staff came running. Then his teacher finally showed the fuck up. I called the mom this evening and the sped teacher had told her that her kid had a good day today. So not only does he not do his job, he’s a fucking liar. I kind of hate him. I felt like crying. I thought about quitting my job pretty much the rest of the school day. Everything about school is getting suckier. The horrible attitudes of the kids, the parents that don’t make them mind, the lack of support from those in power. Today was another day that really made me want to quit. I had decided yesterday morning that I would just go to school every day, tough it out, and make it to retirement. Today once again, I don’t know if I will make it. 

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