[209] ~*Thu – 03/01/18*~

[9:33 pm]

Blah, blah, blah! Each day there’s something that makes me feel bleh! I was paying the bills this afternoon and for some reason, it wasn’t balancing. I had to check a few things before finding the reason which was, the mortgage went up by like $9 so that means about $20/month. This is crazy! This is the third time in not even a year that it goes up $20/month. Soon we won’t be able to afford the house if this keeps going up. I want hub to call the bank to see what’s going on. I also realized today that I haven’t received any paperwork for the mortgage since July so I want to know why we aren’t receiving the paper anymore. This is just ridiculous, things keep going up every so many months but our salary surely doesn’t go up. How are we supposed to afford life?!

Anyways, I did the grocery today and went out for the shop I had to get done. Hub didn’t clean the suggies kitchen so I need to do that but I really don’t feel like doing it. I’m currently watching a show so I guess I will do it after.

Hub kinda pissed me off a bit tonight cause he called me once he was at work asking if we did something every Tue. Apparently a friend wants him to start playing DND and hub would like that. Really dude?! Tue is the only day off I have and it’s the only day we can spend time together. Did he really have to call and ask me that?! He kinda got me upset.

This year seems to be worse than the last. There’s always something happening to make me upset. A part of me almost wish I am right about dying at 32. I know my life is easy compared to many other people but sometime you just feel low. I just wish I could escape my life for like a week. To go away and not think about bills, working and all that for a whole week. That sounds super nice. I need to find something to do, to just let my mind escape. I wish I could find a game to play. Gosh, I haven’t gamed in like two years. I honestly don’t have the time or the energy but it would be nice cause I know if I’d be playing a game, I’d get addicted to it and I would let myself get lost in the game and not think about reality stuff. Prob the main reason why hub never worries about a darn thing, he’s always playing games on the PC. I sorta miss the days when I was like that too. I like reading a lot but even when I read, a lot of time the back of my mind still think about a lot of stuff. I actually sometime catch myself having to re-read what I just read because I wasn’t fully concentrate on my reading. If I can get to having two days off maybe I’ll look into a game.

Arg! Now I just feel sad and depressed. I wish hub was home to cuddle. I also miss my mom and would like to go see her but I never have the time. My last client of Mon already cancelled cause she’s having a surgery next week. If only I would of known that before now, I would of asked off at the store so then I could of went back home for my Bday. I just feel that all I do is work, clean a bit, watch shows, read and sleep. Nothing exciting is happening and it’s starting to drag me down. I need to do something. I had told myself that I would do outdoor activities this winter. Yea right! Then again, this winter was super mega weird so I don’t even know if I would of really had the chance to do anything. I have so many things planned for this summer that I can’t wait. I hope I can do at least half of what I have planned out.

Alright, enough writing as my show had time to finish while I was writing. I should prob get that suggies kitchen clean and back to shows, I guess. I feel like a baby right now. I’m almost temped to drive up to hub’s work place just so I can have a hug. Bleh!



After finishing my post I started looking at old games I used to play, dance games. Now I feel super sad. I miss those days so much. Maybe I should start again?! I don’t know how I feel about starting those type of games again cause there seem to be so much drama on dance games but it’s something I liked playing and it’s something I don’t need to play ALL THE TIME to keep up playing with friends that I make cause it has nothing to do with levels. Why did I look into that?! I really feel worse now, I feel so damn sad. I used to have so much fun on dance games and have friends. I just feel lonely right now. Why do times have to change?! Time didn’t change for the worse, it was actually for the best. I kinda hide myself a lot in dancing games cause it was the time where I was sick and wouldn’t want to do anything in real life. When I got my life back after surgery I started living in the real world again instead of in game. That’s why I’m not sure it’s a good idea to go back to dancing games.

Alright, I really need to go clean that kitchen cause it’s getting super late. I need to stop feeling sad and get going.




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