“More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
You say that you use broken things……. well here I am Lord. I’m all yours. I love that. People may not see any greatness in our lives because of our past but my Father looks past my mistakes and even says that he can use me!!! Today went about how I expected. I was able to hold it together while I sand worship songs in my head. I got to look at her for an extended amount of time. I haven’t been able to gaze upon her that much in 6 months!! I know it might seem small and insignificant but I will be thankful for the little things. She is alive and healthy!!!! I’ll have to say that my hope in the Lord has sustained me today. I just have to remember that I am just on my journey to my forever home. The trials and setbacks in this life are so small. Even our entire lives are not even a speck compared to eternity however many of us spend so much of our lives in turmoil and chaos. I am going to LIVE and LOVE each day. I choose forgiveness!! I can’t spend any more time being defeated because the battle has already been won. Now is the time to delight in the life that God has laid out for us. There is no time for getting even, being jealous or being controlled by how others feel about us. Even after court today I was able to leave w/ a feeling of hope. I don’t look to man for my restoration. I do not even look to my wife for restoration. I look to my God who is all knowing. All it takes is one small deposit into the heart of my wife for her to have a complete makeover in her heart. She can fight it until she dies but I do know that my God is faithful and he will whisper in her ear and reveal my heart to her. She can have 25 other people telling her different but all that it takes is one encounter with God to change her thoughts. She could be driving to work. She could be in prayer. She could be on her knees in prayer. It could happen any time!!! She could be in the middle of conversation with someone or even awoken in the middle of the night. I do not want anything bad to happen to her for a revelation to appear. I had to walk down a dark road before I opened myself up to Gods will. I had to have a lot of “bad” happen in my life. I am speaking things as though they are. Let me tell you…… it is very very difficult to not sulk in the reality of the “now”. But like the scripture says……. trials build character. I needed character in my life. I needed to become a strong faithful servant who can endure the storms instead of allowing depression to rule over me. It was to the point that every little setback or dark cloud would send me into a tailspin. Honestly, I did not see it at the time. It is so surreal. We do not see ourselves when we are in the mess. I am believing that my bride is still in the “mess” and that she cannot step back to see the bigger picture. It’s ok because I love her more than any of her struggles. I have been there and I just needed someone to love me through it. Sometimes I’ll see a glimmer of hope and get excited and then shortly after be disappointed. That is what faith is about. We need to maintain the hope at all times during any circumstance. We need not to be on a “faith rollercoaster”. We need to have steady faith and be immovable whether the sun is shining or the rain is pouring. Thank you Lord for planting a seed in my heart. I will continue to water it until my days on this earth are finished. There are to many souls at stake. I must be in continual submission so that I may be a light to someones world. I do not want someone to look at my life and think that God’s promise includes depression, addictions, divorce, unforgiveness etc. I need the lost people to see breakthrough and restoration in my life and my families lives. The world is watching…… they are waiting for us to fail. What will the outcome be?? The restoration of my family has the ability to reach people who are hopeless. The restoration of my own life can be a light to someone who is struggling. I can say “taste and see that the Lord is good”. I’m excited for tomorrow to see 2 of my children. When my feet hit the floor in the morning the devil will say “oh no, he is awake”. I know that he does not like it when I am awake and am in constant praise to my God, King, savior, healer, redemer.