the last three years

Im not a perfect person but I have done every thing in the world for my siblings Im the oldest of 7 and I was always taught it was my job to take care of them and I have for as long as I could I moved away from a town I loved when I was 18 to make sure they had a safe place to go cause my mom and her boyfriend were not treating them right in my opinion I even worked two jobs so I had enough food to feed us all I got full custody of three my two brothers and my sister when I had just turned 22 and newly married my  sister was 13 one brother was 12 the other was 5 i had to stop working cause the teenagers started skipping school and I was faced with court so I put them first. Five years later me and my husband had some issues he started falling in love with a girl at work and I honesty had a mental break down the kids were older so I went back to work and met a guy I fell for my sister was out of school by then and one of my brothers was in his senior year of high school so I only had the youngest I left with the guy I met at work and moved to a town a few hours away my intention was to get a job and set up a place for my brother and my new boyfriend cause we were staying at a friend of his and it wasnt big enough for him to have his own space but that didnt work out my boyfriend cheated on me so I went to work with my aunt who travels for work I was sending money home for my husband who I was separated from to take care of my youngest brother who was the only one left at home  during my time on the road I found out I was pregnant but suffered a miscarriage i was devastated I had been trying for 6 years or longer to have a baby and I feel I lost my chance I ended up just going back to my husband cause he was really the only one there for me thru the miscarriage we were back together for maybe 6 months ended up have a big fight that got kinda physical and I left again moved back in with my cheating boyfriend I took my brother with me cause I had a job and was able to provide for him we were there I guess 4 months and I found out my boyfriend was cheating again I had an even worse break down then ever it was just to much I attempted suicide I took an entire bottle of sleeping pills told my little brother I loved him and went outside to die honestly I didnt want him to see me dead but he came after me and wouldnt leave my side I told him to go home cause it was late and I didnt want him out but he wouldnt leave my side I loved him for that honesly so I walked him back to the house and ended up spending a week in the hospital when I got out i waited for school to be out for the summer and moved back in with my husband we took out a few loans to fix the house cause it really wasnt live able but got ripped off by the person who was suppose to do it so i had my brother staying at a family friends up the road in oct my grandma ended up passing away i took it really hard we were really close I was so depressed and unknown to me my brother had started skipping school and ened up getting child service involved and of course our house didnt past inspection he was taking and put in a foster home I was devastated I moved out of the house and rented an apartment and I doing everything to get him back he messaged me the other day being so mean I dont even understand said that because he is my half brother so I aint really his sister that he didnt really care about my miscarriage it wasnt his problem pretty much that he dosnt want to come home and dosnt even like me Im doing my best to deal with this but he says he hates the visits cause I get him on the weekends and he dont want to be around me and to drop the case and stop fighting for him but I cant I know I aint been perfect these last few years but I have been trying and I feel like some one just slapped me I would lay down my life for my siblings any one of them and to have one talk to me like this is just so painful I am doing everthing to fix this relationship but right now honestly I feel like killing myself my whole life has been for them only them the one time I feel I was selfish and its ruined so much of my life I want to make it up to him my plans were always to have him with me it just didnt always work out with out him I really dont see a point in my life     

One thought on “the last three years”

  1. Hi there,
    It seems like you’re going through a lot.
    Message me if you need someone to talk to.

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