the weird thing is

the weird thing is when im around people like my closest friends who i chill with at school i cant tell them stuff about how im feeling because i just know theyll look at me different or itll be in the back of their heads that im this insecure little girl even if they tell me they dont care about these things or theyll always love me i just dont want them to view me differently and i think that shows how they cant rlly be my closest friends theres only i feel 2 ppl that understand me and get me and she gets me ill just talk about one tho shes  always been friends with me since infants and primary school however in our secondary schl e had a fight  we are the same now but during that she got a new bff n that bitch hates me out of pure jealousy one we were talking rlly deep bout stuff n everything i said like i feel empty n cry out of nowhere she tells me how she feels n what shes thinking n its like were the same person and she understands what im going through and the weird thing is shes only 3 days older than me and a gemini like me 

in front of my other friends i always ahve to act like im having fun or im laughing when im rlly not but with those 2 esp the one i ws talking about nothing is fake at all i dont have to  pretend to have fun and enjoy myself or act so im pleasing them im just myself but the weird thing is as soon as i get home m surounded by my family esp my auntie who lives with me whom i rly dislike and my mood just switches just like that i feel like im judged by them and to them im always rude and she loves taking the piss out of me and im just angry like i burn so much and in the night i get this lum p in my throat im so angry but theirs hot fiery tears spilling from m eyes and i dont understand why i mean i could break bricks right now so why tf am i crying as soon as im home im not that happy go girl that everyone knows like i am at school and when i act normal like i am at home my quiet self everyone asks me what happend am i okay who hurt me why im not talking but they dont understand tis is my usual self im not depressed or anything but i feel like i have to cover up this act which is my nomal self and act happy and bubbly so ppl can accept me as they already think this is m normal self it it aint and i guess that is my own fault but if i act depressed or normal theyd think im a weirdo and i wouldnt have as many friends as i do now not that thats important but yh

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