Detox

I find myself on the -caring too much- side of one-sided relationships more often than I’d like. My father puts forth no effort to stay in communication with me, no effort to see me or talk to me at all, actually. From early childhood Ive been the one keeping our relationship afloat. I take after his side of the family and felt because I looked like them that I should connect with them. I used to try a lot. I don’t anymore, because I recognize that he really doesn’t care either way. 

A cousin (on dads side of the family) was an assumed ally from early childhood. I was always inviting her to do things, going to her house, buying her things, telling her secrets… things I would do with anyone I felt close to except more so because not only was this person my friend but this person is my first cousin. In recent days I’ve had a revelation. She doesn’t give TWO SHITS about me. If I stop texting her, we don’t talk. If I don’t go to her house- we don’t see each other. She finds every excuse in the world to not come over to my place. 

In recent days she has stopped responding to texts at all. 

So I sent a big long message pouring my heart out about how I felt like I was the only one trying to maintain our friendship. 

SHE DIDNT EVEN RESPOND. 

This is a 27 year relationship. My ENTIRE LIFE spent thinking someone loved me and cared about me only to find out that I’ve invested my whole life in someone who couldn’t care less. 

Not only that but she was literally the only person on that side of the family I really ever felt close to at all. 

Its like my whole life I’ve loved and cared for these people who do not reciprocate that same love and care. 

The fuck am I supposed to do with that?

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