Had a great evening. I got to hang out with 2 of my children. My sweet Isaiah is out of town. I miss him. I’m pumped up about the conference tomorrow. I’m excited to gather in a group of fellow believers any chance that I get. Praise God that I do not have any desire for the parties or bars. The notion of it makes me feel icky. My past has been surgically removed by the master physician. I have to get up super early to meet the other guys here at my house. Talking with my son about everyday things always brings up memories of when we were all in a family unit. I can’t even begin to describe the ache that is inside of me but on the flip side I have hope finally!! I know that this trial is all in Gods hands. I can’t wait to engage in conversation with my wife one day and tell her that I forgive her and I am forever going to be the man that God desires for me to be. In turn, I will be the man that she desires. I was thinking……. well, what if she already has a boyfriend?!?! Well, that doesn’t limit God’s ability. There have been many more hopeless situations in peoples lives that God intervened in. Like I said, I am not putting God in a box. God will let her make her own decisions until she submits fully to him. I have to be patient. I have no choice but to let her make her own decisions, mistakes etc. I will be here at any moment to tell her that I forgive her. I know that one day she is going to want forgiveness and I want to be the person who shows her the love of Christ. I’m listening to a song right now that says that if we keep Christ in the center then there is NOTHING that we cannot make it through. It is a song that a married couple sing about restoring their marriage. Us men will never understand women but that is the beauty of it. It is beautiful if you are in constant perpetual forward motion loving and learning about your bride. Submit yourself to Christ and love your wife the way that Christ loves the church. I have no other desire in this life other than to love my wife in that manner. I pray that one day she will want everlasting love from me. I know that right now she does not. I always told her that I would never leave her or fall out of love with her. It’s a shame that I acted the way that I did. I cannot live with the shame or it will bring me down. I must live in the hope that Christ brings day by day. I better get ready for bed. Exciting big day ahead of us!!!