Own

I was left to my own devices and I’ve never realized how small I can feel in my own world until my split. Hence I decided to pen this open wound of mine down.

Divorce was, and is still am a bitter pill for me to swallow. How two individuals from different walks of life came to join together as one, to tearing ourselves apart and to be detached away from one another. And no, I don’t miss my ex-husband as a spouse (because he sucked as one truth to be told) but it just felt like I lost a best-friend of mine to a battle we both knew deep inside, that nothing can ever heal.

But above it all, I miss my kids. It’s the kind of emotional strings that had been tied the day we connected umbilically. Sometimes it just gets so overwhelming, I felt the ache in my heart physically. My heart strings weren’t only thugged, they were ripped apart and it made it so hard to breathe. And you just feel that lump in your throat before crying it out. 

But heartaches are scary, too. It makes you fearless in a twisted way, but it’s almost like nothing kills you worst than what had already killed you inside. No we didn’t turn cold-blooded. It’s just that pretty much nothing else surprises me anymore. And this wound just transforms itself into a hideous monster lurking deep within you, waiting to pounce on you on your vulnerable days. 

But, it is this monster, that made me out to be strong.

 

 

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