Today was awesome. I got to spend it with my oldest child who has a heart for the Lord. I have a lot of conversations with him about righteousness and that I do not want him to follow down a similar path as I have. I explained to him that his dad has truly felt the meaning of freedom and that he won’t understand fully because he has down been down in the pit of life as I have. I have been in church most of my life but I have never felt the feeling of complete release and freedom. I have never formed this many relationships with believers. I now know what people mean when they talk about the freedom of Christ. No bondage, no addictions, no unforgivesness. You just want to live in harmony with every person. I cannot even have any ill feeling toward my wife even if I tried. All that I feel is a bleeding heart full of compassion. God talks a lot about not having bitterness between one another. He says that it will affect our relationship with him. I def do not want that. I want to be a living testament to all!! I was just telling a friend tonight after church that I could never even go into a tavern just to eat dinner. I say this because I am representing Christ. My life is my witness to the lost. If they are not seeing Jesus spewing out of me then that would sadden me. My friend said tonight that he needed to see this woman that I speak of constantly so I gave him her FB name. LOL I said that she is an angel. I told him that one day he will get to meet this queen. My friend is a huge supporter of me getting my family back. A good friend would want to see restoration in your marriage. Some “friends” don’t mind seeing your life in turmoil because then it elevates them above you. Only a good friend would say that they are praying for your desires. I also told my friend that God has taken away my NEED for companionship and sexual desires. It doesn’t make since to most when I say that I am holding out for my wife. A lot of negative people would say…. go live your life and take care of yourself. That is what Satan wants me to do. He wants me to give up on my family so that he can rejoice over another broken family. Sorry Satan…. God goes before me. You will just have to try and take my life because I am not giving up on my family. I used to wonder if it was just my own heart and intellect that was trying to wrangle a way to restore my family. Now I whole heartedly believe that God is whispering to me to be still and that HE will do his work. Isn’t that a great promise?!?!? That all we have to do is be still and he goes to battle for us?!? All I have to do is keep my eyes looking up and he does all of the work. I do not have to rely on myself or man. When the naysayers see my family all together worshiping God I hope that they fall on their knees and say “surely this is the Lords work”. I know that I had to fully submit my life first before his work could be fully done. I believe that God did take my family because he loved me that much. It hurt him so much to see me living in turmoil and confusion. He honored my request from years past to do whatever it takes to protect my soul and my witness here on earth. When it comes to my family I speak of things as though they ARE. My children got to see their father fight for his family/marriage. Now, needless to say, there isn’t much that I can do considering my wife will not even speak to me. But remember…… be still. God is fighting for my family right now. He is mending hearts and minds. He is bringing clarity. Like the song says:
It’s the rebels and the prodigals; it’s the humble and the weak
All the misfit heroes You chose
Tell me there’s hope for sinners like me
God loves to use what others consider”Junk”. Some might think that I am junk. But soon they will be looking up at me from their man-made thrones and seeing a redeemed, clean, white as snow new man. That will be my testimony to the masses. I will look upon them with the eyes of Jesus and encourage them to seek what I have found. I want to see all of us delight in God’s grace. Even those who despise me and talk bad about me. Some of my heroes are just average joe’s whom have brought themselves out of the pit and been redeemed. They have beaten man-made statistics and are now inducted into Gods hall of fame. They are heirs to the universe. Think about that!!! These rebels and prodigals will soon rule with the king of kings!!! You know, that one druggie that everyone talks about….. that found Jesus…… Ya, him. He has a mansion awaiting him. All while those who look down upon him are on a broad path to destruction. Lord, it is my heart to make that path less traveled. Let my life minister to those who I have partied with and even those who despise me. Let them see your SON in me. They will surely say that there is a true and living savior just by watching my transformation. And when my family is restored I will give no recognition to none other than my heavenly Father. I can’t wait to share my testimony to the church. I can’t yet…….. it’s not finished. Hurry up Lord…LOL. I’m anxious to share your awesomeness.