March 5, 2018: MOTIVATION

I am always motivated. Everyday I am motivated, but something is missing. I don’t know what it is that’s missing, but something is. 

I applied to the nursing program a few months ago and let me tell you, I am scared as fuck. I have been basically  lying to people who don’t go to my school that I am in it because I’m in embarrassed that I’m not. EVEN THOUGH IT’S NOT EVEN THAT BIG OF A DEAL. I find out this month if I am and I will update you guys if I am or not, we’ll see if anyone even reads this. 

My boyfriend. I have been dating this guy for almost a year and I met him on tinder. He’s been really good to me and buys me everything. He loves my family and I love his. The most amazing thing is that he loves my brother who has autism. The thing about him is that I found out that all summer of last year he was talking to other people. He was probably bored of me, but when I found out, I took him back because he was devastated. He’s had major problems and i don’t know how to simply say this, but I am saddened that he is the way he is therefore I want to be there for him.. the problem is I can’t seem to love him. I can’t seem to see myself with him LIKE THAT. I don’t know, when we kiss there’s no spark. I just.. I don’t know what to do. I love him, but I don’t think it’s like that. Help me?

I am trying to be the best possible version of myself and believe me, it’s not that easy to find that positivity in my life everyday. I am trying, though. 

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